Quick, to the slutcave!
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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