he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
