too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
