Having a random hookup so left but love u
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
