The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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