I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
So many bounce houses so little time
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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