fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
