Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
