Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
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I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
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Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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