I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize