Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
