And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
