When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
