mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize