Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart