it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though