So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
