Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe