He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize