the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Randomize
