that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
