I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
