She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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