so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
