woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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