no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
