you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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