i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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