So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
