Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
