please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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