Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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