Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
a search helicopter?!
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
