who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
