called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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