You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
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i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
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Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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