Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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