why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
