She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
