Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
