AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
