you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
