Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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