I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
