he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
