she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
