Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
