Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
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I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
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Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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