I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
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This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
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Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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