i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She's the barista slut.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
