I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
