she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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