If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
