I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
