I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
