hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
