i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
