I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
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He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
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Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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