I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I am spending my child support on dildos
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
