i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
