Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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