and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
