He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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