Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm both gender and math confused
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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