if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Watching her eat just hurts me
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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