i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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