I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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