i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
