there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
