sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
