so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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