TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
