I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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