Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
