I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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